Compassion (Part 2)By Erika Laszlo · General News · 2018. April 23.
Like Buddha said (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddhartha, founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.): “In separateness lies the world’s great misery; in compassion lies the world’s true strength.”
We have talked about compassion in general in the first part of the Compassion article. To be more compassionate, we need to make it a daily practice. Now let’s see, how we can make it.
Try the following:
1. Start the day with compassion. Meditate and visualise that you will be compassionate to everyone during the day, including yourself. (You can do it quickly while in the bathroom).
2. You can practice as suggested by the Dalai Lama: “Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.”
3. We also need to be compassionate towards ourselves, so you could also add: “I expand my heart out to myself. I am going to avoid self-anger and self-criticism and have kind thoughts towards myself. I am going to love myself as much as I can.”
4. When someone speaks, listen actively (don’t think about your answers).
5. Try to understand and give feedback about the feelings of others. When s/he says this, what does s/he feel? (It seems you are frustrated… It seems something put you out of balance…)
6. Give feedback on thoughts: (When you say this, I hear… / What you’ve said means to me…/ I hear you saying…)
7. We can practice loving communication towards ourselves too. When s/he says this to me, what do I feel? To know what is going on inside our self-strengthens our awareness and helps us understand others. We can find the hurt or positive feelings in ourselves easily with the help of SuperConscious Self-Coaching (or you can bring them to mind).
8. Do to others what you would have them do to you.
9. Think before you speak/act. Would what I want to say feel ok said to me? Would I be offended if someone spoke to me like that or did that to me?
In his book, Resurfacing: Techniques for Exploring Consciousness, Harry Palmer suggests that to achieve greater understanding and empathy when you meet someone, you think through the following steps:
Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
End the day by looking at how you were able to practice compassion. (You can do it in bed.) What happened during your day? Who did you meet and talk to? How did you treat him/her? Were you in alignment with your goal of “compassion”? What did you do well? How could you develop your practice even better? What did you learn from today?
Anytime when you feel you “can’t” be compassionate because someone or a situation makes you angry, impatient or anything else, it is important to become aware of your negative feelings. Fear-based, negative feelings show us our unresolved emotional energies and programs that need transforming; they also show that we need to have more compassion for ourselves.
In looking deeper at self-compassion, you may find it useful to ask the following questions:
- Do I still have unresolved fear-based energies on this situation/person?
- Do I still have imprints around being told negative things, e.g. “you are bad, worthless, etc.” (or anything else you can think of)?
- Do I still believe I am at fault? (connected to whom or what?)
- Do I believe I did wrong (or somebody did wrong to me) during my childhood?
- To what percentage do I believe I am worthy of other’s compassion?
Looking into these questions and clearing any programs and energies may help us become more compassionate towards ourselves and afford a better understanding of our sometimes wounded inner child.
Many of the things we did, had done to us, felt, or said, were not necessarily our fault – they were just the product of our upbringing, or of our perception/level of awareness at that time. Where we came from in this life made us the person we are today and by using the DEMERT Method™ to reprogram our false and limiting beliefs, we are often able to transcend any childhood issues and can begin to practice compassion for both ourselves and those who hurt or harmed us.
We can also practice being compassionate towards our perceived inadequacies or self-critic - beliefs such as “ I'm no good at … “ or “I am useless, hopeless, helpless, irresponsible - everything on Chart 25!”
Besides transforming the beliefs, you can also question your negative self-talk and ask, “Am I totally useless, hopeless, etc.?” Do this until you get positive self-talk and answers back. Or you can even make your brain to concentrate on positive thoughts with questions like "Why am I hopeful all the time? Why am I so good than others? Why am I lucky?" Try it, because it works, and you will feel an immediate shift!
Whatever questions you ask, have compassion for yourself and your journey, remembering that you are learning and growing through all your experiences.
Additionally, we can hold negative energies and beliefs about being compassionate, so it is good to ask and transmute if necessary:
- What negative thoughts/emotions do I have around compassion?
- Do I have any beliefs about compassionate people (perhaps that being compassionate shows weakness)?
Although people and situations differ, we are ONE in our feelings. I may not cry or feel pain in a particular situation when someone else does, but I can imagine their pain and the feeling of crying because I have also experienced it. Since we are all ONE, when we act or feel with compassion, it means we understand the other’s feeling or situation. Compassion reinforces our ONENESS and that we are never alone with our issues.
Like Buddha said (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddhartha, founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.):
“In separateness lies the world’s great misery; in compassion lies the world’s true strength.”
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